wisdom from friends (and Taylor Swift): remember to enjoy this stage of life

“I’m so glad I’m not in my twenties anymore. It can be overwhelming and confusing and frustrating, because so many things are uncertain - where you’ll live, what you’ll do, who (if) you’ll marry. But remember to enjoy the freedom. Because while you gain stability with years and narrowing down options, you also lose the freedom of having your options wide open.” 

My friend smiled at her baby and took another bite of her salad while I mulled over her words. 

It’s strangely comforting to hear people in their thirties and forties and beyond talk about how difficult things could be when they were in their twenties: it helps to know that my uncertainty and occasional frustration are the norm. 

Cue Taylor Swift's "22": We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. It's miserable and magical. My friend Angela and I have decided that this song is about all of your twenties, not just 22.

My least favorite question is “what do you want to do?” 

I know that until June I want to teach English in Munich. After June, when my contract ends, I have absolutely no idea. (Ok, well, I have lots of ideas, but zero plans.) I don’t know where I’ll be seven months from now, much less have a five-year plan. I’m learning to accept that, and even enjoy it. My friend was right - I enjoy a kind of freedom as a young, single woman in my twenties that I probably won’t have for the majority of my life. So why spend my time fretting that I don’t have plans when I have the freedom to entertain all sorts of possibilities?

It’s a process, but the Lord is helping me work through it. 

For my last few big decisions, God has faithfully shown me the next step - but it’s been about three months later than I think He should have let me in on His plans. So I’m working on preparing faithfully, but not freaking out when I don’t have concrete plans. 

One thing I have learned: I have a habit of declaring that I will absolutely not do something and then, in the course of a year or two, turning around and doing it. It's gotten to the point that it's rather ridiculous.

"I am absolutely not interested in going to Wheaton.” I went to Wheaton - and can't imagine a better place to have spent my college years.

"I am studying English Literature. Not German. Not as a minor, definitely not as a major. Nope.” At the eleventh hour I added German as a second major. It was a fluke - I still didn't want to study German academically, but it got to the point where it would have been dumb not to. 

"No way am I studying abroad during college - I've lived abroad. I want to spend four years rooted in one place.” My semester abroad in Oxford was a highlight of my college career. Not only did I learn to love research papers (yes, I'm crazy), but I still keep up with friends that I made there via a monthly Skype book club. We've read 26 books together in the last two years.

"I'm not going to live in Germany after college. I do not want to continue down a road that could leave me torn between two countries for my entire life...Ok, fine, I’ll move to Germany, but it will only be for a year, and then I’ll go back to the states.” I write this from my apartment in Munich, which I am living in for year two as an English Teaching Assistant. 

I'm beginning to learn wisdom. I’m working hard to not make any hard and fast declarations about what I will - or won’t - do. Which gives me even more freedom, since I’m learning to consider things that I might want to automatically rule out. 

In the meantime, I’m putting into practice an Instagram caption I wrote in June: Life is all about learning what to hang on to and what to let go of, always maintaining a strong sense of fun.

Some things I’m learning to let go of:

• My desire to be settled without uncertainty - because let's face it: even when I think I'm settled,  something is bound to change. 
• A self-imposed need to know what I want to do with my whole life - because even if I had a 50-year plan, it would so not last. 
• A fixed plan for any given day - because interruptions and changes of plan happen all the time.
• Comparison with other people’s jobs, relational status, or bandwidth. 

Some things I’m learning to hang on to: 

• Jesus. Always. 
• A commitment to making space and time for the people in my life - whether that’s through FaceTime, messaging, and snail mail with friends stateside; having friends over for lunch; or initiating coffee/tea dates with an acquaintances who I want to get to know better. 
• A sense of wonder and adventure - this applies to small things like stopping to enjoy the smell of scented candles as well as larger things like taking an overnight bus with friends to go to the Italian coast.
• Making time for things that make my soul rest - at the moment primarily cooking and reading. 

Where are you in your journey? Are you feeling settled? Uprooted? Clueless? Completely pulled together? In the midst of all of that, what do you cling to? What do you need to let go of?