unexpected fellowship

Online church is not my thing.

Which is something I need to work on, since online church is the modus operandi for churches worldwide these days.

Maybe tomorrow I'll gear myself up and attend an online Palm Sunday service. But to be honest, the last few weeks, I haven't even tried. Don't get me wrong; in many ways I'm more connected to my spiritual community right now than I was before a global pandemic kept us all at home - praise the Lord for technology. But that doesn't mean I'm watching the weekly sermons.

Strange how the Lord provides even when I don't feel like showing up.

Last Sunday, my grandparents' previous pastor and his wife, whom I have known my whole life and absolutely adore, appeared on the front porch with a guitar and a pie. They came around back and announced that they were there for a 10-minute church service - and they meant a full-blown church service, complete with prayer, sermon, hymns, offertory (the pie), special music, and benediction.

They are absolutely amazing.

We all kept our distance (probably the hardest thing so far - I dearly wanted to hug these precious friends) and reveled in the fellowship.

The sermon, well, it was something else.

After a couple of songs, Owen directed us to open our Bibles to John 11:35. We chuckled as we all leafed through imaginary Bibles, until he "arrived" at the text:

Jesus wept. 

"As we examine this text together, it occurs to me to wonder why Jesus wept. Yes, Lazarus was dead, but Jesus knew that before long, He would raise His friend from the dead. So why did he weep?

James Tissot / Public domain

"There are many theological reasons that people have proposed, but there are two that I want to focus on today. For the first, please turn with me to Isaiah 53:3 (more imaginary leafing): 'He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.'

"The first reason that Jesus wept is that He knew the pain of sorrow and grief. He knew the hearts of Mary and Martha in their grief and confusion, and He sorrowed for their sorrow, even though He knew that the cause of their weeping would soon turn to joy. He weeps with those who weep.

"Now, as I said, there are many theological reasons why Jesus wept, but it strikes me in this time that one of those reasons was that He simply missed His friend" - Owen choked up - "just like we miss you, precious friends."

Wow. What a sermon for this time. Jesus wept. He knew what it was to sorrow with devastated friends - friends who were at least partly devastated because they knew He could have stopped the death, had He so chosen. He did not stand back callously and refuse to share their sorrow, knowing that it was temporary. He entered into their grief with them, because even though He knew the ultimate story would be one of resurrection, this part of it hurt like hell. Because death must precede resurrection.

He also knew what it was to miss dear friends - to face the pain of separation on earth. And He wept for it.

I've been talking to my students about two things as we prepare to enter into Holy Week during a pandemic. First, God is in control. He is not surprised. He is not overwhelmed. He holds each of us in His hand and guides our steps. He will work out all things for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.

Second, He is not removed from us in sorrow and confusion and pain. He steps into those emotions with us, even though He knows the bigger picture. He is not impersonal - He is deeply personal and caring.

That precious ten minutes on the back patio on a Sunday afternoon will be one of the sweetest memories from this time - sweet for the unexpected fellowship with longtime friends, and sweet for the reminder that God fellowships with us.

Grace be with you. 

Israel no. 1 | The Land

They say that after you've visited Israel, you'll read the Bible from a whole different perspective.

It's true.

Walking and driving through the land of the Bible makes all the little geographical details come alive - details that I never paid much attention to before.

Call me crazy, but it never hit me until I was standing at the ruins of Caeserea, in a palace part of which is literally underneath the Mediterranean, that Israel is a coastal country. Should I have realized this? Duh, yes. I've looked at maps. I've seen the strip of coast that Israel occupies. But somehow it didn't sink in what that meant. That's the point, I guess - I've read the Bible my whole life, looked at maps of Israel countless times, and it took standing in the wind and looking out at the waves to grasp Israel's location - the center of the fertile crescent. No backwater, but a key stretch on the route joining the Assyrian, Babylonian, and Egyptian empires, with access to all the riches of a shipping trade that stretched across the Mediterranean.

The land in northern Israel at the beginning of March is lush and fertile, with large herds of cattle grazing on the hills. That was unexpected to me, somehow. I expected sheep and goats and camels. Not cows.

And yet -

Every beast of the forest is Mine, 
the cattle on a thousand hills. 
I know all the birds of the hills, 
and all that moves in the field is mine. 
Psalm 50:10-11

Speaking of birds, Israel isn't just in an essential location when it comes to ancient civilizations. It's also a land bridge between Africa, Europe, and Asia for migrating birds. They don't like to fly over water, so rather than flying over the Mediterranean, they fly over Israel. We were there during migration season, and we saw countless flocks of storks flying North. I have never before seen a flock of storks. There is a pair that nests near my parents' house, and I'm accustomed to seeing them in rural Germany, but they come in pairs - occasionally in foursomes. Not in flocks!

But apparently they do come in flocks, and each family peels off to their own village after migrating.

The trees of the LORD are watered abundantly,
the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.
In them the birds build their nests;
the stork has her home in the fir trees. 
Psalm 104:16-17

I still marvel at the lushness. The Galilee mountainsides are covered with wildflowers and grass. The Jordan River rushes through, a strong current making crossing impossible without a bridge. Pomegranates, lemons, and oranges grow casually in people's gardens. But Anna, the owner of the apartment we stay at, tells us that when the heat of summer comes, everything is dry and brown, toasted to a crisp.

All flesh is like grass
and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers,
and the flower falls,
but the word of the Lord remains forever.
1 Peter 1:24-5

I collected minuscule seashells and pet an extroverted cat on the edge of the Sea of Galilee. Now, when I read that when Jesus was in Capernaum, and "the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to him, and he laid his hands on every one of them and healed them," I think of that cat. I know the view of the lake from the hamlet of Capernaum, and I know what mountain the sun sets over.

Once the sun sets, villages on hilltops shimmer with light. Impossible to hide, those cities on hills. Jackals howl in the darkness. In the morning, I sit on the balcony and watch the haze on the Sea of Galilee. A pair of swallows builds a nest over the door to the apartment. As we drive to our destination, we see a fox - grey, with very large ears.

Foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head. Matthew 8:20

We say that Israel is a small country - and it is, if you're measuring by car or train or airplane. But it's nearly one hundred miles from Jerusalem to Nazareth, and forty more to Capernaum. When you read the gospel accounts, it seems that Jesus and His disciples are constantly traipsing back and forth between these cities. The authors barely give it a second thought, but that is a LOT of walking. Especially when you consider that nearly every footstep was accompanied by teaching or a miracle.

We drop south and rewind several thousand years: we float in the Dead Sea and are refreshed at the oasis of En Gedi. This is where David hid from Saul - a narrow strip of lush, hardy greenery running towards the Dead Sea, surrounded by arid rocky mountains. I cannot describe the relief of hearing the rush of water and the sound of birdsong in that starkly beautiful landscape. Now that I've seen the wilderness, the images in the Psalms are so much more real. As I hiked by the brook at En Gedi, I found myself thinking over and over,

As the deer panteth for the water, 
so my soul longs for You. 
Psalm 42:1

Hiking up to Herod the Great's palace at Masada before sunrise hammers home the power-hungry heart of the notoriously feared king - and the beauty of this desolate part of the land. We look across the Dead Sea into the mountains of Moab - Ruth's home.

Back up in Galilee, we had not only looked across into Jordan, but also at mountains that border Syria. With all the political tension and tragedy in this area today, I am struck by passages like this:

So his fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought Him all the sick, those afflicted with various diseases and pains, those oppressed by demons, those having seizures and paralytics, and He healed them. And great crowds followed Him from Galilee and the Decapolis, and from Jerusalem and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan. ~ Matthew 4:24-25

The hope of Jesus is not bound by regional boundaries or ethnic differences or cultural conflicts. It wasn't then, and it isn't now. Being on the land brought that home to me in a whole new way.

And Jerusalem. What a city. I will have more to say about it, but I will close with this for now:

As mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people both now and forevermore. 
Psalm 125:2

Things I Learned This Month | September 2018

I have a confession: I have been resenting the onset of fall. Usually I welcome the advent of sweater weather, but this year I clung to the last remnants of summer. Now that it's October, fall and I have made our peace and I'm enjoying bundling, but it's a struggle. As is usual with the close of a month, I'm sharing a few things I learned during September - mostly ordinary, some extraordinary.

{Also, I had the chance to write a guest post for The Write 100 Challenge last month. Check it out here.}

1. All the chicken things. I listened to The Lazy Genius Cooks Chicken a few days ago. Its a 40+ minute episode on all the different cuts of chicken and different things to do with them. I'm now dying to try change-your-life chicken. Also braising.

2. Pumpkin soup, which I already loved, is ratcheted up a notch when you add ginger, garlic, curry, and coconut milk. Yum. I'm so not a pumpkin spice latte person (hello tea-drinker), but I live on pumpkin soup in the fall.

3. Scrubbing the kitchen floor is THE BEST feeling. I moved back into my Munich apartment this month. Last year when I moved in, there were already people here, so I couldn't do a real deep clean. But this year I had the apartment to myself for a few weeks, and I attacked that kitchen. It probably hadn't been properly cleaned in five years. The final step was the floor. I got down on my hands and knees with two buckets of water, a scrub brush, and a rag and SCRUBBED that floor. End result, a job well done and a kitchen that feels clean for the first time since I moved here.

4. There is a tool to get at those pernicious weeds that root themselves in cracks in the driveway. It's a speed weeder and it is a beautiful creation. (Also it has a red handle. Score.) I found this randomly in a hardware store and bought it on a whim. This thing works wonders. You still have to apply a lot of elbow grease, but it's actually effectively applied elbow grease. My usual experience is huffing and puffing and straining and failing to get the roots of those weeds. This thing is easy on the wrist (directs force through the shoulder) AND gets the roots. Beautiful.

5. Dordrecht might be Holland's best-kept secret. My parents and I found this little gem of a town on a fluke and absolutely loved our stay there. I'm hoping to do an actual post on it eventually, but let's just say it has antique/junk shops galore, terrific seafood, idyllic canals, and a nature reserve where you can kayak. And everyone is incredibly friendly. Basically it's the perfect weekend getaway.

6. The Cinque Terre is one of my favorite places on earth. I knew this already, but I forgot how much I loved it in the 7 or 8 years since I've been there. I went this weekend with friends and fell in love with it all over again. There is nothing better than hiking hard along the Italian coast all day and then diving into the Mediterranean to refresh.

7. That word translated "angels" in Psalm 8? It's actually a word almost exclusively used for God. The word "angels" is actually 'elohiym. That word shows up 2,606 times in the Old Testament, and it's translated "God" 2,346 times, "god" 244 times, and then miscellaneous other things like "angels" the remaining 16 times. I could write a whole post on why this is awesome, but I'll content myself by suggesting that you go listen to Marty Goetz's song inspired by this Psalm. It pulls out the link to Christ as the Son of Man in such a cool way.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?

Yet you have made him a little lower than the angels,
and crowned him with glory and honor."

Things I Learned {Last} Month | April 2018

It's the start of a new month! As per usual, it's time for a roundup of things I learned in April.

1. I've decided that I'm from North Carolina. For now.

2. There are some weird and wonderful things about Germany.

3. Making tortillas is super straightforward. I've made two batches now and I love using them for quesadillas or as vehicles for homemade hummus.

4. Lilac bushes border my backyard. Ergo, my kitchen smells amazing when I leave the window open.

5. It's important to actually study the Bible on my own, not just read it. I was convicted of this over several weeks, so I finally decided to pay attention. I'm now listening to my Bible-in-a-year plan instead of reading it so that I can free up my morning quiet time for more in-depth study. I picked Isaiah 55 at random. Five days in, I've soaked in the first four verses and have eight pages of typed notes. This is so good for my soul.

6. The Christian Classics Etherial Library is an amazing resource for public domain classics, commentaries, sermons, and even lists of hymns inspired by particular passages. I've been using Blue Letter Bible and Bible Gateway for years, and both are terrific resources, but CCEL is in-depth on a level that I haven't encountered before.

Good Friday Meditation

Remains of a crucifix from a bombed-out church during WWII

Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
 For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
 He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
 All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

~Isaiah 53:1-6

***

The wounded surgeon plies the steel
That questions the distempered part;
Beneath the bleeding hands we feel
The sharp compassion of the healer's art
Resolving the enigma of the fever chart.

  Our only health is the disease
If we obey the dying nurse
Whose constant care is not to please
But to remind of our, and Adam's curse,
And that, to be restored, our sickness must grow worse.

  The whole earth is our hospital
Endowed by the ruined millionaire,
Wherein, if we do well, we shall
Die of the absolute paternal care
That will not leave us, but prevents us everywhere.

  The chill ascends from feet to knees,
The fever sings in mental wires.
If to be warmed, then I must freeze
And quake in frigid purgatorial fires
Of which the flame is roses, and the smoke is briars.

  The dripping blood our only drink,
The bloody flesh our only food:
In spite of which we like to think
That we are sound, substantial flesh and blood—
Again, in spite of that, we call this Friday good.

~T.S. Eliot, "East Coker"

***

Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again.  No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This command I have received from My Father.

~John 10:17-18

the liminal space between desire and fulfillment: how do we wait well?

Freshly-cut sunflowers are so happy.

We've been in Germany just about a month. It's been a crazy month, and I've finally adjusted to the rhythms of this season of transition: some days are filled to the brim with to-do lists and running around and exploring, while other days are quieter. During those quieter days I have been hunting for apartments online, reading everything I can get my hands on, and thinking.

Among the many things I've been thinking about, one keeps rising to the surface: waiting.

It's not something I've devoted a lot of thought to before, but since graduation waiting seems to be the overarching theme of my life. And not just mine. So many of my dear friends are waiting for something - tangible things like a job, an apartment, or community; but also intangible things - waiting upon the Lord's direction, waiting to see if treasured dreams will be fulfilled or taken away, waiting for healing and vision and hope.

If you, friend, are waiting for something - and I think we all are - then I'm writing this post for you. Not because I think I have new things to say on the subject, but because I have found encouragement as I read and think and wait, and because I once heard a pastor say that the things the Lord uses to encourage one person are often meant to be shared to encourage others.

~ ~ ~

Emily Freeman wrote a post last week titled How to Wait Well. In it, she makes a helpful distinction between two kinds of waiting (actually, she talks about four, but there are two that really hit home for me).

The first kind of waiting is the one where we know that results will come with enough patience. Like waiting for Christmas or summer or housing. She says:

This waiting is a function of time and time will always pass.

But there's a second kind of waiting. The kind where you have no idea if what you are waiting for and desperately want will ever actually come to pass. How do we live well with that kind of wait? How do we find contentment as we long for something uncertain?

~ ~ ~

Last month I was talking about this with my aunt.

She shared about a season of waiting - we're talking about years, here - that involved a lot of discouragement and questioning.

A mentor told her - "It's ok to remind God of His promises." And he pointed her to a specific verse:

The LORD God is a sun and shield;
    No good thing does He withhold from he that walks uprightly. ~Psalm 84:11

She began to pray: "Lord, if it is Your will to grant this good thing, then thank you. And if it is not, please remove this desire from my heart. I pray for Your will in Your timing."

~ ~ ~

The beautiful thing about Psalm 84 is that this is a Psalm about dwelling in the presence of the LORD. 

How lovely is your dwelling place,
    O Lord of hosts!
 My soul longs, yes, faints
    for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
    to the living God.

 Even the sparrow finds a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
    my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
    ever singing your praise! Selah

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    in whose heart are the highways to Zion.[b]
 As they go through the Valley of Baca
    they make it a place of springs;
    the early rain also covers it with pools.
 They go from strength to strength;
    each one appears before God in Zion.

 O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
    give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
Behold our shield, O God;
    look on the face of your anointed! 

For a day in your courts is better
    than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
    than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
    the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
    from those who walk uprightly.
 O Lord of hosts,
    blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Whatever good thing I'm waiting for - whatever things God sees fit to grant or to refuse - He has already given the greatest good that surpasses everything else: the gift of walking through life in His presence. Whatever else we think we need, this is enough. 

~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

But what does it look like to wait well?

What does it look like to honestly, deeply long for something without becoming discontent or bitter when it doesn't come when we want it or how we want it or maybe at all?

How do we live in that tension?

In literature classes we talked a lot about liminal space, meaning an in-between space. Occupying a liminal space is like standing in a doorway (the word liminal is derived from the Latin word for threshold) - you have a foot in each room, but don't really belong in either of them.

Waiting is occupying the liminal space between desire and fulfillment.

How do we occupy that space without being in a discombobulated state of limbo? Especially when waiting could last for months or years on end, how do we not waste that time?

I have jotted in my journal something from a podcast:

The Lord offers Himself to us in the waiting. In the liminal spaces. In the silence before then answer.
Am I willing to receive Him?

Also in my journal:

She brings her waiting into the presence of the Lord. Is that true of me?

What does it look like to practice waiting well?

I have found my answer in Psalms 37:3-5.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
    dwell in the land, and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
    and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
    trust in Him, and He will act.

Waiting well means committing my way and my desires to the Lord and then trusting Him to act in, for, and through me. But this waiting doesn't mean inactivity. It means actively trusting the Lord's faithfulness, doing good, dwelling - truly being - where I am instead of wishing I were somewhere else.

It means choosing to delight myself in the Lord and center my life on Him rather than on the thing I'm waiting for.

It means trusting Him and taking the next step.

This applies to everything from waiting for Him to provide a job or an apartment to waiting for Him to allow the secret seed of a dream to grow into reality - or never see the light of day.

Easier said than done.

But learning to wait like this is the key distinction between joy and bitterness, between growth and withering, between trusting the Lord and crippling self-dependence.

Waiting like this lays the foundation for a healthy response when what we ask for is granted - or refused.

"Lord, Your will in Your timing."
--

Waiting is never really over. As soon as I finish waiting for one thing, another thing begins to loom on the horizon. Sure, some waiting may be more acute than others, but I'm always waiting for something.

Emily Freeman says, "to live is to wait."

Beneath all the specific things we may be waiting for, the life of faith is a life of waiting. The author of Hebrews writes "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for" - and to hope for something is to wait for it - "the conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1).

In faith we are waiting for the fulfillment of Christ's Kingdom. It is already here, but not yet fully realized. And although we are confident that it will be realized, we have no idea when or even how.

So we wait.

What sustains you in the waiting?

standing on the promises

I got to spend last weekend in Charlottesville with some of my favorite people in the world - the crazy awesome Morales family who we've been friends with for thirteen years. The weekend was jam-packed - we celebrated Maddie's 20th birthday and got to watch Josh's soccer games and just hang out together. At night we watched the mountain behind their house light up with thousands of fireflies as a thunderstorm rolled in.

One of my favorite moments of the weekend was Sunday morning when we gathered for a time of worship after breakfast.

Mr. Morales read a few verses, one of which was Hebrews 6:11-12, "And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

Then he asked: "What are the promises?"

Each one of us - thirteen people ages 6 to 50 - named one of the promises of God.

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20

"And He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." Psalm 91:11

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:23-24

"With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies." Psalm 60:12

He has promised the crown of eternal life to those who love Him. (James 1:12)

The Bible is full of promises from God to His people. In fact, the Christian faith centers around the fulfillment of the promises of God - the central one being the promise of eternal life.

Search the Scriptures - or just put "promise" into a Bible search engine - and you will find that God makes spectacular promises. And His promises are true.

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:20.

I started thinking about some of the promises of God that I return to over and over.

Thinking about the promise of eternal life reminded me of one of my favorite verses in Scripture.

"And this is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." John 17:3 

The promise of eternal life is the promise that we can know God intimately. It is closely connected with the promise that Jesus makes to us that "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake You" and "Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 28:20). Because of these promises, I am confident that in every moment of life Jesus is with me. He is, after Emmanuel - God with us. This is no small thing - that the Lord of the universe who conquered death and crushed the powers of hell promises that He is with me always and that He will fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit - the same power that raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). As if that promise were not enough, I know that He will fill me with joy in His presence now and that ultimately I will find eternal pleasure at His right hand (Psalm 16:11). As I walk in His presence and in obedience to Him, He will satisfy my soul (Psalm 63:5).

Jesus does not promise an easy life. In fact, He promises that the world will hate those who love Him - just as they hated Him (John 15:18). But He does promise that He is with us through good times and bad and that all our troubles in this life will be like nothing compared to the weight of glory that will greet us in heaven (2 Corinthians 4:17).

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

These are powerful promises, ones to internalize and mull over and cling to and use as a cause for worship and great rejoicing.

What are the promises that you live by? Comment below: I'd love to hear!

{via Pinterest}

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

When I doubt, He will not forsake me, for it is promised that "if we are faithless, He remains faithful - for He cannot deny Himself" (2 Timothy 2:13).

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful - He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." 1 Corinthians 10:13

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

"Have I not commanded you - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"The grass withers and flowers fade. But the word of the Lord stands forever." Isaiah 40:8