Tuesday, May 16, 2017

of stories and vision and wonder

A few weeks before I graduated, I was one of four seniors asked to share reflections on my time as an English major with the students, faculty, and staff of the English Department. I want to share those reflections with y'all as well. 

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     The eyes open to a cry of pulleys,
And spirited from sleep, the astounded soul
Hangs for a moment bodiless and simple
As false dawn.
              Outside the open window 
The morning air is all awash with angels.

     Some are in bed-sheets, some are in blouses,
Some are in smocks: but truly there they are.
Now they are rising together in calm swells
Of halcyon feeling, filling whatever they wear 
With the deep joy of their impersonal breathing;

     Now they are flying in place, conveying
The terrible speed of their omnipresence, moving
And staying like white water; and now of a sudden
They swoon down into so rapt a quiet 
That nobody seems to be there.
               The soul shrinks

     From all that it is about to remember,
From the punctual rape of every blessèd day,
And cries, 
               “Oh, let there be nothing on earth but laundry,
Nothing but rosy hands in the rising steam
And clear dances done in the sight of heaven.”

     Yet, as the sun acknowledges
With a warm look the world’s hunks and colors, 
The soul descends once more in bitter love
To accept the waking body, saying now
In a changed voice as the man yawns and rises,

     “Bring them down from their ruddy gallows;
Let there be clean linen for the backs of thieves; 
Let lovers go fresh and sweet to be undone,
And the heaviest nuns walk in a pure floating
Of dark habits,
              keeping their difficult balance.

~Richard Wilbur

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When Dr. Coolidge asked me to speak for department chapel, I knew I had to read this poem by Richard Wilbur. Keep it in mind, because I am going to talk about it more in a few minutes. But before I do that, I want to share some advice that directly relates to why this poem is so important to me. This advice comes from Mary Oliver, another poet that I love. Her  “instructions for living a life” are “pay attention, be astonished, tell about it.” This is how we are called to live, to “always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder,” as E.B. White says. 

There’s a problem, though: it’s really easy to get stuck in the rut of routine and stop truly seeing. We approach the world pragmatically rather than enjoying the gift that it simply is. We become blinded by familiarity instead of seeing the world with the vision of wonder. I, for one, am always looking for ways to re-vision - ways to see the world with fresh eyes. My go-to aid for that is literature. 

This is one reason I love the above poem. It’s called “Love Calls Us to the Things of This World.” I love that Wilbur wrote a poem about laundry - a quotidian chore that is not in the least poetic to most people. He takes something familiar that we rarely pay attention to, defamiliarizes it, and asks us to reconsider how we see commonplace things. He uses ordinary imagery as an entry point into profound meditation.

I’d be willing to bet that many of you are English majors because you love the way that literature helps you engage with the world in new ways. Salmon Rushdie says that “Literature is in part the business of finding new angles at which to enter reality.” In studying literature, we receive new eyes to see what Dickens calls the “romantic side of familiar things.” 

One of my favorite moments as an English major was during sophomore year. It was fall, and one of the trees near my dorm was aflame with spectacular color. I’d been enjoying this in solitude for several days, when one day I encountered a friend en route between the dorm and cafeteria. I grabbed her and said, “Rachel! Finally someone who will understand!!! Look at that tree!!!” We stood there gazing at the tree, rejoicing in its glory and beauty. 

The next day in Victorian Literature we discussed Hopkins’ poem "God’s Grandeur". Dr. Colon talked about how Hopkins uses the techniques of inscape and instress as tools to help us recognize the “treeness” of each individual tree. She said, “most people look at a tree and think, it’s just a tree. But Hopkins tells us - GUYS! It’s not just a tree. It’s a TREE.” Rachel was in that class with me, and we just looked at each other and telepathically said “well, that was perfect timing.” 

One thing great authors do so well is study commonplace things that everyone else ignores in order to rediscover their beauty and power. But there is more to it than that. Good literature doesn’t just reveal the deep beauty of this world: it also reveals its deep brokenness, which is often equally easy to ignore. Great authors force us to come face to face with the pain that permeates the world. A good example of this is Toni Morrison’s recent novel Home. It is the narrative of an African American Korean War vet returning home to Georgia. Through it, Morrison pulls the scab off the 1950s, which we usually remember as a happy-go-lucky, leave-it-to-Beaver time. She explores with precision and poignancy the problems of systemic racism. Morrison refuses us the luxury of crafting an image of reality that isn’t true and instead uses her work to force us to face deep-seated brokenness.

The question then remains, as English majors, how do we use the renewed vision that literature gives us? Do we get to read the stories, close the books, and continue as if nothing had happened? I don’t think that’s adequate. Chip and Dan Heath, in their book Made to Stick, write that “a credible idea makes people believe. An emotional idea makes people care. And the right stories make people act.” Stories make people act.


We have a responsibility to act on the vision that literature gives us. This dovetails with our calling as Christians to see the world for what it truly is. We know that the world is good, because it was created by a good God as an expression of love. We can see goodness and beauty in places where other people see only the mundane. We are called to cultivate that beauty so other people can see and respond to it. On the flip side, we know that the world is deeply broken as a result of the fall. And we are called to see the world’s brokenness, wade into it, get our feet muddy, and begin the work of restoration that will culminate in the Kingdom of Christ. This is our calling - to cherish the world’s beauty and to rebuild the world’s brokenness. But in order to do that we have to have the kind of vision that can see beauty and brokenness. Through my time at Wheaton I have learned that literature is one of the most powerful tools there is to mold our vision. And vision leads to action. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

I'm back!


On Sunday I graduated from college.

That's kind of crazy, y'all.

People keep asking me how I feel, and I don't really know how to answer. How to capture the culmination of four years in one brief response? How to recount the myriad ways the Lord has been faithful above and beyond all I could even have thought to ask for? How to express the sense of accomplishment and loss that comes with such a major transition?

Right now I can't answer those questions - it's all too close. But a few weeks ago I revisited some old posts and stumbled across one that I wrote on August 27th, 2015, right after returning to Wheaton for my junior year. As I read, I was astonished at how beautifully what I wrote then speaks to where I am now, so I want to share this post again with you.

~ ~ ~

"I Want"

"Great people don't do great things; God does great things through surrendered people." ~Jennie Allen

It's the beginning of a new school year. As a junior in college, I find that I and many of my peers are thinking hard about what we want - what we want from community life, from our studies this year, and, in the not-so-distant-future, from life after college.

To be honest, I want a lot of things, ranging all over the place in level of importance.

I want to have a fabulous apartment that people feel welcome in.


I want to enjoy being a college student - not get so swamped in work that I forget to appreciate the gift of being a full-time student with no more pressing responsibilities. 

I want to get decent grades.

I want to read every book that peaks my interest in both the college library and the public library.

I want to study in Oxford.

I want to live in Germany.

I want to get an interesting job.

Eventually I want to get married.

The list goes on and on.

I want, I want, I want.

But, as pressing as these desires may seem, none of them reach the core of what I truly want.


I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection of the dead. 

I want to live a life that is Christ.


I want to know the POWER of the Holy Spirit.

I want to die to myself and my desires so that I may fling myself without reserve into the life God unfolds for me, knowing that every step of the way He is drawing me closer to Himself, who is the source of fullness of joy and eternal life.

How do I prepare for this kind of life? More pressingly, how do I live it now - a life poured out as a living sacrifice to God, not a living witness that in spite of my words to the contrary I still think of myself as number one?

How do I keep my sights fixed on things above, where my heart is hidden with Christ in God, and not on earthly things while still affirming the goodness of His earthly gifts?

How do I learn to live prepared to lay everything He has given me down in a heartbeat and cling only to Him?

How do I know when to lay aside my plans and open myself to the wonder of His Plan - and yet not be paralyzed when I don't receive my own personal cloud like the Israelites had in the wilderness?

How do I love with Christ's love?

These are the questions of a lifetime. But as I head into this next school year, I want to start working them out, prioritizing these fundamental desires over all other superficial, circumstantial ones. I want to do this now, while I am still in college. Before I settle down and form habits that get me stuck in an earthly rut of selfishness and independence instead of the heavenly freedom of complete dependence upon God.



Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. ~Romans 12:1

For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. ~Philippians 1:21

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ~Colossians 3:3

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and self-control. ~2 Timothy 1:7

Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4

~ ~ ~

As I read back through this, I was overwhelmed by the Lord's lavish generosity. He has indeed used the last four years to shape me and set me on a trajectory of prioritizing the truly important - of fixing my sights on Him. He has drawn me close to Himself in ways that it never occurred to me to ask for, laying the foundation of trust that will enable me to walk forward in complete dependence on Him.  

And in the midst of that He has also granted me so many of the other "wants" - some expressed in this post and others not. Of the things I listed above as superficial wants, all have been realized except reading every book in the library (a pipe dream) and getting married (there's still plenty of time for that).  That's wild.

So I guess the answer to the question "Hey college graduate! How do you feel?" is: I'm excited, and a little bit nervous, and absolutely, utterly overwhelmed at the lovingkindness of the Lord. The same questions that I asked at the start of my junior year figure prominently in the set of questions I am living into now. I have no idea what this is going to look like, but whatever comes next, the Lord has promised to be with me, and He is faithful. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

standing on the promises


I got to spend last weekend in Charlottesville with some of my favorite people in the world - the crazy awesome Morales family who we've been friends with for thirteen years. The weekend was jam-packed - we celebrated Maddie's 20th birthday and got to watch Josh's soccer games and just hang out together. At night we watched the mountain behind their house light up with thousands of fireflies as a thunderstorm rolled in.


One of my favorite moments of the weekend was Sunday morning when we gathered for a time of worship after breakfast.

Mr. Morales read a few verses, one of which was Hebrews 6:11-12, "And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

Then he asked: "What are the promises?"

Each one of us - thirteen people ages 6 to 50 - named one of the promises of God.

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20

"And He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." Psalm 91:11

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:23-24

"With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies." Psalm 60:12

He has promised the crown of eternal life to those who love Him. (James 1:12)

The Bible is full of promises from God to His people. In fact, the Christian faith centers around the fulfillment of the promises of God - the central one being the promise of eternal life.

Search the Scriptures - or just put "promise" into a Bible search engine - and you will find that God makes spectacular promises. And His promises are true.

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:20.

I started thinking about some of the promises of God that I return to over and over.

Thinking about the promise of eternal life reminded me of one of my favorite verses in Scripture.

"And this is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." John 17:3 

The promise of eternal life is the promise that we can know God intimately. It is closely connected with the promise that Jesus makes to us that "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake You" and "Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 28:20). Because of these promises, I am confident that in every moment of life Jesus is with me. He is, after Emmanuel - God with us. This is no small thing - that the Lord of the universe who conquered death and crushed the powers of hell promises that He is with me always and that He will fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit - the same power that raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). As if that promise were not enough, I know that He will fill me with joy in His presence now and that ultimately I will find eternal pleasure at His right hand (Psalm 16:11). As I walk in His presence and in obedience to Him, He will satisfy my soul (Psalm 63:5).

Jesus does not promise an easy life. In fact, He promises that the world will hate those who love Him - just as they hated Him (John 15:18). But He does promise that He is with us through good times and bad and that all our troubles in this life will be like nothing compared to the weight of glory that will greet us in heaven (2 Corinthians 4:17).

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

These are powerful promises, ones to internalize and mull over and cling to and use as a cause for worship and great rejoicing.

What are the promises that you live by? Comment below: I'd love to hear!

{via Pinterest}

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

When I doubt, He will not forsake me, for it is promised that "if we are faithless, He remains faithful - for He cannot deny Himself" (2 Timothy 2:13).

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful - He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." 1 Corinthians 10:13

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

"Have I not commanded you - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"The grass withers and flowers fade. But the word of the Lord stands forever." Isaiah 40:8