I want

"Great people don't do great things; God does great things through surrendered people." ~Jennie Allen

It's the beginning of a new school year. As a junior in college, I find that I and many of my peers are thinking hard about what we want - what we want from community life, from our studies this year, and, in the not-so-distant-future, from life after college.

To be honest, I want a lot of things, ranging all over the place in level of importance.

I want to have a fabulous apartment that people feel welcome in.

I want to enjoy being a college student - not get so swamped in work that I forget to appreciate the gift of being a full-time student with no more pressing responsibilities. 

I want to get decent grades.

I want to read every book that peaks my interest in both the college library and the public library.

I want to study in Oxford.

I want to live in Germany.

I want to get an interesting job.

Eventually I want to get married.

The list goes on and on.

I want, I want, I want.

But, as pressing as these desires may seem, none of them reach the core of what I truly want.

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection of the dead. 

I want to live a life that is Christ.

I want to know the POWER of the Holy Spirit.

I want to die to myself and my desires so that I may fling myself without reserve into the life God unfolds for me, knowing that every step of the way He is drawing me closer to Himself, who is the source of fullness of joy and eternal life.

How do I prepare for this kind of life? More pressingly, how do I live it now - a life poured out as a living sacrifice to God, not a living witness that in spite of my words to the contrary I still think of myself as number 1?

How do I keep my sights fixed on things above, where my heart is hidden with Christ in God, and not on earthly things while still affirming the goodness of His earthly gifts?

How do I learn to live prepared to lay everything He has given me down in a heartbeat and cling only to Him?

How do I know when to lay aside my plans and open myself to the wonder of His Plan - and yet not be paralyzed when I don't receive my own personal cloud like the Israelites had in the wilderness?

How do I love with Christ's love?

These are the questions of a lifetime. But as I head into this next school year, I want to start working them out, prioritizing these fundamental desires over all other superficial, circumstantial ones. I want to do this now, while I am still in college. Before I settle down and form habits that get me stuck in an earthly rut of selfishness and independence instead of the heavenly freedom of complete dependence upon God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. ~Romans 12:1

For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. ~Philippians 1:21

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ~Colossians 3:3

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and self-control. ~2 Timothy 1:7

Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4

What I Learned: July

It's the end of July (what? where did June go?), so I'm linking up with Emily Freeman's What We Learned in July post. It's a useful way to help me remember things - trivial, profound, or somewhere in-between - that I've encountered over the month, and it's fun to share them with you all.

1. I can read books in German. 

This realization came as I was browsing through bookstores throughout Germany. As a result, I brought 22 books home with me. Some are classics, like Anne Frank's Diary or Bonhoeffer's Life Together, which I want to read in the original language. Others are books that I'd never heard of before, but looked fascinating. Being able to read books in another language has drastically expanded this book-lover's world.

2. It is important to me to seek out and serve those that aren't from my social echelon or background.

After working with refugees for a month, I have realized that I don't want to stop. It has always been important to me to serve my friends and family, but now I want to deliberately look outside my circles and seek places to serve. This could involve refugees, the elderly, children, or whatever. I want to give to people who have nothing to give back. After all, I have been given so much, and to whom much is given, much is expected.

3. I don't do my own convictions a favor by refusing to listen to those who hold an opposite viewpoint.

This isn't a new lesson, but it's one I've been revisiting in the past few weeks. If I can't handle some pushback from the other side, it probably means that my convictions are more flimsy than I'd like to admit. On the flip side, it is hard for me to respect someone who relentlessly pushes their own ideas without giving me the chance to express my own. 

4. It never hurts to say thank you.

People are serving us all the time, making sure our small worlds run smoothly. Waiters, cashiers, security officers, flight attendants, janitors, and so many other people would be sorely missed if they stopped doing their jobs, but we rarely think to stop and say thanks. Just because their work is commonplace does not mean they should not be thanked. In fact, the fact that they faithfully keep things running behind the scenes means we owe them all the more thanks. On my flights to and from Germany, I left simple thank-you notes on my seat. I happened to still be there when one of the flight attendants from my flight home (which had a lot of unexpected complications) saw the note, and her face absolutely lit up as she thanked me. It makes a difference, folks.

5. God's Word bridges language and cultural barriers.

when it's time to stop

{photo credit}

It should have been the perfect movie for a girls’ night in. The cast contained an impressive number of stellar British actors, the film is supposed to be an entertaining comedy, and several of my friends have told me I would enjoy it. So Mom and I curled up on the couch ready for a delightful evening. We had every intention of liking the film, which made it a bummer when we decided to quit with forty minutes to go.

The actors were, indeed, knock-your-socks-off, there were many instances of dry British wit, and I was rooting for several of the characters. The overarching idea for the story was compelling.  But the details of the individual storylines were irreparably flawed.

Almost without exception, the storylines of the individual characters – even the dear, sweet, elegant lady who I wanted to end up happy – were morally compromising. No, more than that: they were designed to make sin look not only acceptable or excusable, but appealing. They were crafted in such a way that the only possible “happy ending” was one on terms that I could not accept.

Now, I am not saying that to be good a film has to uphold every traditional Christian value that I believe in. I have seen and deeply appreciated films that have serious flaws. The problem is when suddenly, in the world of the film, outright sin – of many different varieties – is unapologetically and unequivocally portrayed as right. This was one of those films.

So we turned it off. I checked on Wikipedia to satisfy our curiosity as to how it ended, and to find out if somehow things were redeemed in the end. They weren’t. In order to be satisfied with the “happy ending,” we would have had to been satisfied with sin being portrayed as something with no consequences.  

It was thought-provoking, how appealing sinful attitudes and actions were made to appear in this movie. It made my mom and me discuss how Satan masquerades as an angel of light. It can’t be wrong if it’s so beautiful, we think. But our perception of what is beautiful has been twisted by the fall, and only marinating in the truth of Scripture can heal our broken perspectives. I am so grateful to my parents for teaching me to love and seek after truth for as long as I can remember. Although it would be easier to have dulled perceptions of right and wrong – being able to enjoy the comic elements of such a film without having a pit in my gut at how twisted it was – I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because it is truth that sets us free – free from the laws of sin and death that appear so appealing to our fallen vision, free to recognize and see the beauty of righteousness, and free to choose between them.